Insomnia Now

My nephew gets himself ready for bed.

This is not a post seeking advice. The closer a relationship you have with me, the more likely it is you’ve heard me say, “I’m not looking for advice.”

And, I have looked for advice. And all the advice I’ve gotten, even from a doctor, was about fixing something similar to my problem, but not my problem itself.

Trauma or the Wrong Mattress?

I moved four times in a year. February, April, October, and January.

In February, it was a small, preliminary move. And with my move, I got a new bed. And from the first night I slept on that bed, I haven’t slept more than six hours at once.

A typical night is five hours, wake up, then maybe an additional three or four if I’m lucky enough to fall back to sleep.

The trauma that prompted this first move had started three months prior, but my move brought it to a new level.

Maybe it was the new bed with a slightly too-soft mattress. Maybe it was that I had no curtain on the window and the blinds didn’t filter out the light. Maybe it was the overwhelming anxiety and depression hitting me every second of every day.

Observations without Solutions

I tried going to bed earlier because I found it so hard to get up in the morning after spending an hour of wakefulness in the middle of the night. Then, I just started waking up at two or three in the morning.

With each subsequent move, this insomnia has improved. I still wake up after five or six hours, but I tend to fall back asleep much more quickly.

Sometimes I think I should just wake up completely, get out of bed and start my day when I open my eyes at 4:30 a.m. But, even though my body is awake, it’s still tired. Or it will be in an hour.

Yes, I’ve tried melatonin, lavender, valerian, chamomile tea, CBD, Benadryl etc. The advice I get is always about falling asleep, not staying asleep.

I tend to pick a podcast or a YouTube channel and watch or listen for fifteen to twenty minutes and hope I drift off.

Lately, I’ve noticed that I have to use the restroom during this wake-up. Maybe I shouldn’t drink so much tea before bed?


Sometimes my depression likes to hit me hardest in the morning. And experiencing the two wake ups a day doubles my morning depressions.

But, the large trauma that sparked this sleep pattern has ended. In many ways, I am at a deeper peace now than I was before my trauma. I actually suffered a similar disappointment recently, and my sleep issue flared up again. But, again, I’ve found a greater peace.

So even though my sleep has not greatly changed, I am happier in general, so it doesn’t bother me as much.


What topic do you like to talk about without receiving advice?

3 thoughts on “Insomnia Now

  1. I usually don’t want advice. Or, I hate being told what to do when I am just sharing or venting or processing. I still sometimes offer advice even though I know I shouldn’t.

    I have similar sleep issues when I’m struggling during a depressive time. Wake up in the middle of the night and cannot go back to sleep. For an hour. Or something like that. I also always have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, whether I’ve had a lot to drink at bedtime or not. I think that’s just because I’m old.


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